I’ve just signed the offer to purchase my first home and now I’m staring blankly at my computer screen, feeling like I’m standing at a precipice, and I could either fly or fall. I finally understand the fine line between elation and pure terror. I’ve passed many of life’s milestones but nothing has prepared me for this one, not even prom night. Did I choose the right neighborhood? Was I too hasty negotiating the price? I probably shouldn’t have worked it out based on my lucky numbers. Will my husband and I get a good interest rate? Will it still feel like we’re renting because it’s a condo and we’re going to have to fit in with a building full of people?
And speaking of those other people – what demands will they have? Will they play their music too loud, or – perhaps worse – will it be softer than mine?
Is there some deep dark problem with the place that we’ll miss (a faulty heating system or a bloody murder that everyone hid from us)? Will our new home give me a sense of security, or am I doomed to sleepless nights, agonizing over a mortgage payment that far outweighs my current rent?
And, above all, when it comes time to sell, will the market have dried up, or will I get a piece of the appreciation-action, so that some day I can finally own a home that’s the size I want and need? (Not that I don’t love you, new home, it’s just that I’m not sure about a longterm relationship, although when something better does come along, I’d love to keep you as my bit on the side.)
But I should probably back up, because the ink isn’t even dry and right now, a complete stranger, The Seller, has my short-term destiny in his hands. The deal might not even come off. We’re only in round one of the negotiations, and either party can still pull out at any time. I know, I’ve already broken up with another house this week, and it was painful.
I’ve got to be tough. I’ve got to be businesslike and dispassionate, in spite of my cartwheeling stomach. I’m not allowed to fall in love with the place until the day if, or when, I move in. So I’m going to take down the mental furnishings and return them to the mental IKEA store, and next time I post a blog, I’ll start it at the very beginning of this surreal journey, the day we decided to buy our first home.
But if you’re listening, prospective new home, I just want you to know that I think we could make each other happy.